Mean Town: Why Did I Move Here
by ltdtoogal
Summary: R&R This is a funny story about when Ty moves to a new town. What's the town called? Crapsville, of course!
1. Crapsville Sucks!

**CHAPTER ONE**

I looked at the trees whirring past me. I was sitting on a stupid train on my way to Crapsville.

A stupid cat walked up to me, "Hi, I'm Rover! What time is it?"

"Dunno," I replied. I have indigo horns sticking out of the side of my head. I also have black eyes, an orange triangle for a nose, a camouflage shirt, and brown shorts.

"Can I sit with you?" Rover asked me.

"No," I said, putting my legs in the chair in front of me.

"Well, too bad," he said, karate-chopping my legs and sitting down facing me, "What's your dumb name?

"Ty."

"That's a dumb name!" Ha ha! Where are you going?"

"Crapsville."

"Man, that place sucks! Why the heck are you going there of all places!"

"Why do you care?"

"You're moving and don't have a place to stay! That's hilarious!"

"I never said that!"

"You meant it. Let me go tell my friend so we can laugh at you!"

Rover got up and went to the phone booth at the back of the train. I could hear him, "Hey, Nook! This dumb kid is moving to your crappy town and he doesn't have a place to stay! Isn't that fun! Ha!"

Rover and the Nook animal talked for a bit about how dumb I was. Then Rover came back.

"My friend is buying a house for you and then he'll sell it to you for an outrageous price. Isn't that great!"

"Here's my stop," I said, gladly getting off the train. When I got out of the train station, a fat raccoon ran up to me.

"Hey, you!" he said, running up to me, "You need to buy the crappy old shack I bought for you. Now pay up!"

"I don't want it!" I told him angrily.

The raccoon reached behind himself and magically pulled out a night stick. He beat me with it and took my wallet, "That shack is the only place that's available here so you have to live there," he told me, "You owe me 20,000 bells for it," he said, opening and looking into my wallet.

"20,000 bells!" I cried out, trying to stand up after being beat up, "I don't even want it!"

The raccoon hit me with his night stick and took all my bells, throwing my empty wallet at my head, "You only have 12,000 bells! You have to work it off! Come to my shop! It's called Nook's Cranny!" he yelled, and he magically disappeared to his shop.

I looked around and saw a map at the train station. I went over to it. There were little mini-maps to the side of it so I got one. Nook's Cranny- Acre A-1.

I ran over to his shop so I wouldn't be beaten. When I got there, he was waiting for me.

"That took you forever!" he cried out.

"It took me one minute, nine seconds, forty-eight milliseconds!" I argued.

"Here," he said, throwing paper and a pen at me, "Write a letter to Fang to come to my shop."

"I don't know who Fang is!"

"He's a gray wolf!"

"I don't know where he lives!"

"Find out! Now go!"

I left and thought about what to write.

_Fang,_

_Fag-bag! Never shop at Nook's! He sucks!_

_Ty_

I went to the post office, got Fang's address, and sent the letter. Then I went back to Nook's.

"Did you send the letter?" Nook questioned.

"Yes," I replied.

"Good. Now that you're done," he said, going to his counter, "It's time for this," he brought up an axe and walked towards me.

"What-W-What are you doing?"

"Giving this to you."

"Please. No!"

"Shut-up! You have to work!" he threw the axe to me, "Give this to Dizzy."

"Oh. Okay," I said, leaving. I walked to acre F-4, "Hi, are you Dizzy?" I asked a grey elephant wearing a yellow shirt with a blue five on the front.

"Yes," he answered.

"Here is your axe."

"Oh. Thanks," he said, taking it away from me and walking towards his house.

"Don't I get a tip?"

"Oh, yeah," Dizzy said, getting a bell and holding it out.

"One bell!"

"Take it or leave it," he said, kicking me and walking away.

So I took it and walked to the beach. There were shells at the beach. I picked them up and put them in my pocket. I walked along the beach picking up shells to sell when I saw a seagull lying on the beach. I ran over to him, "Wake up!" I yelled, violently shacking him, "Wake up!" I kicked him.

"Oh, hi!" he got up and looked at me, "A storm snatched me off the deck of my ship! Here," he said, giving me a giant leaf.

"It's a leaf."

"It's a magical leaf. Now, leave the acre and I'll disappear.

So I left and went to my house (aka shack). I threw the leaf to the ground. There was a poof and instead of a leaf, there stood a Manikin Pis.

"Great," I said, "I get to stare at a nude statue," I dumped all my shells on the ground for later and went back to Nook's. He was holding a night stick.

"Who do I deliver that to?" I asked him. Instead of replying, he started beating me with it.

"You… took… way…"

"Ow! That… hurts!"

"too…"

"Ow!"

"…long!"

"Ow!"

"Way… too… (ow!) long!"

He stopped beating me, "There. Now," he pointed to a leaf, "Deliver that to Pecan."

I went over and picked up the leaf. I got over to acre D-2 and knocked on her door.

A brown squirrel wearing a red check shirt opened the door, "Why do you have my chair?"

I looked at the leaf, "You mean this?"

"Duh!"

"I'm working at dumb-"

"Nook's! Ha, ha! You suck! I can't believe you didn't have enough for your shack!"

"I never said that! How!..."

"Why else would you work for him?"

"True. Here's your… chair. Bye."

"Hey."

"Huh," I turned around.

"You're a sucky fag-bag."

"Back at you," I said, walking off.

I walked a bit and then saw something white sticking up from the ground. I picked it up. It was a…

Pitfall!

I smiled and went to Nook's. I buried it right outside his door and ran behind a tree and called out, "FREE MONEY! FREE MONEY!"

Nook ran out and fell in a hole where the pitfall was. He screamed like a little girl and tried desperately to get out. I laughed at him, watched him for a bit, and went home for bed.

That night, I slept horribly. I just slept on cold, hard ground that made my back hurt. I was okay, though. The pitfall had been great fun.

_**Okay. How do you like my first chapter? It's not real long, but it's a start. R&R!**_


	2. Even Poophead Mole Comes to Town

**Chapter Two**

The next day I went back to Tom Nook's.

"Here is some carpet. Take it over to Bob," Nook told me.

"Okay," I said, taking the carpet over to Acre C-4. A purple cat wearing a No. 1 Shirt was picking flowers.

"Hi. Flower?" he said, holding out flowers, "I'm Bob."

"No thanks. I'm Ty," I replied.

"Bob, sob," he said, dropping his flowers and looking at a beetle by his feet.

"Here's your carpet," I said, holding it out.

Bob clapped his hands, "Yea! Here," he held out a leaf, took his carpet, and left. I left and went to my house and dropped the leaf. A modern desk appeared. I gathered all my shells off the floor and put them in the desk and went back to Nook's. When I got to Nook's Cranny, Tom was waiting for me with rocks and he started throwing them at me.

"Ow!" I cried out, "What are you doing!"

"I'm throwing rocks at you!" he exclaimed as a big rock hit me in the stomach.

"Why!"

"You took forever!"

"You're crazy!"

He threw his last rock, "I know. Now, go make a post on the bulletin board in front of your house to make people come to my shop."

"Okay," I said, heading for the bulletin board. I scribbled something on a blank piece of paper. After a painstaking four seconds, I stepped back to admire my work.

TomNook

"There," I said to myself, "That would convince me to go to the old Coon's Shop. It's also the only shop in Crapsville… oh, well. It would still convince me!" and I went back to Nook's Cranny.

"Good, you're back," Nook said to me, "Go plant some flowers," and her gave me some flowers.

So I went over to the side of Nook's shop and planted forty roses. When I was done, I went back to Nook, "Okay, I'm done," I panted.

"Good. Now go deliver this fishing pole to Lucky in acre B-5."

I took the pole, went to A-5, and knocked on Lucky's door. A dog bandaged up like a mummy opened the door.

"Hi!" he said cheerfully.

"Hi," I replied, not cheerfully at all, giving him the pole.

"Here," he said, giving me a bag.

"What is it?"

"Pour it on yourself when you're swimming."

"Okay," so I went down to the ocean, stripped to my boxers, got in the water, and poured the contents of the bag onto my head **(ltdtoo gal: Of course he's too dumb to even look what's inside it before doing so. Me: Hey! I'm not!... never mind…). **Thick brown stuff oozed down my head. It smelled like crap! Literally! I swam underwater and did my best to get everything off, "It's poop!" I cried out in disgust.

Suddenly, a lady rose up out of the water. She had blue, sparkly wings, a blue, sparkly short dress, blue, sparkly hair, blue, sparkly glitter all over, blue, sparkly mascara, eye shadow, and lipstick, and pale skin (her knees down were still in the water). She started laughing at me, "You got crap all over you head! Ha, ha!"

"You're hot!" I said happily.

"You're way out of your league!" she replied, snickering.

"How do you know! Try me!"

"I'm 1,127 years old."

"Oh," I said sadly, "You're still hot!"

"You still have crap on your head!" she said, laughing and snorting at the same time.

"Nooo! Get it off!"

"No way!" she said, poofing away.

I hung my head low and went back to Nook's.

"Get out!" he said, shielding his eyes. I looked down. Unfortunately, I had forgotten to put my clothes back on. I ran back to the sea and pulled my clothes on and went back to Nook's.

"It's late so you can go home," he told me.

"I just ran back here to be told to go home!" I fumed.

"Yeah."

"Okay, just checking. Bye."

I went back to my house. I found an alarm clock up in a tree when I was randomly climbing it, so I took it home and plugged it into a socket. I pressed a button on it that said 'Save' and went to bed on the floor.

XXX

I woke up the next day with a hurt back but a good mood. I yawned, stretched, did push-ups that looked like I was humping the ground and I walked outside and saw and axe, "Cool! An axe!" I pretended to be a cheerleader. I threw the axe up in the air to do an awesome trick, but it fell back down and hit me in the head so I went to hell. I didn't want to go to hell so I found Satan's alarm clock and pressed restart so that I could start my day over.

XXX

I woke up with a hurt back but a good mood. I yawned, stretched, did push-ups that looked like I was humping the ground and walked outside. An ugly mole sprung up from the ground, "YOU RESTARTED YOUR DAY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"Who are you?" I asked in disgust.

"I AM RESETTI! DON'T RESET YOUR DAY!"

"I can if I want," I scoffed, kicking him in the face, "And now I have to find the money to cover up the hole you just made! I hate you!"

"The ground covers itself up! DON'T KICK ME!"

I kicked him.

"DON'T DO THAT!"

I kicked him.

"STOP THAT!"

I kicked him.

"KICKING WON'T MAKE ME LEAVE!"

I kicked him.

"OW! I'M OUTTA HERE!"

"Wait!" I said, pulling out a bag of poo, "Put this on you head."

"Thanks," he poured it on his head and died.

I clapped my hands and grabbed some rubber gloves from the tree nearby and pushed him back into his hole along with the poo and gloves and it all covered up.

**I know this chapter isn't real long, but I couldn't think of anything else for now. Please review! **


	3. Meow Meow, Ty Gets a Girlfriend!

**Chapter Three**

_**Yes, Chapter Three is finally here! I'm so so so so so so sorry that it took this long! School, vacations, holidays, etcetera eats up most of my time. Here is chapter three. I hope you like it!**_

I woke up the next morning feeling very happy. I stretched my aching back and looked at my calendar to see that it said it was Saturday. I jumped up and down in pure bliss and ran outside. A strange kitty that I had never seen before was looking around the town. I gasped, she was pretty! Except for the water faerie, she was the only pretty girl in town. All the other girls were ugly!

"Hello, you're pretty, wanna go out?" I blurted out.

The cat turned around and blinked nervously. She looked around, but didn't see anyone else, "You mean me?" she gasped, "Why me? I would think such a handsome boy such as yourself would be overwhelmed with plenty of girls. Where is the line of girls outside your house?"

I wiped the drool from my mouth and stood up straight, "Well, they always got in the way," I lied, "My name is Ty. What's yours?"

The girl purred in delight. Apparently she had never met a boy as handsome as me. "I'm Purrl," she replied, her brown and white tail swishing side to side.

My eyes looked at her brown ear, then at her white. This beautiful, multi-colored cat actually like him. He grinned like his Mother had when he had told her that he was going to leave home and move away from them when he was 24- just about a week ago. Now he was 24, but had the knowledge of how to survive Crapsville for a week.

"Well, I'll let a lucky lady like you cut in line," I said, "So, uh… do you want to be my lucky gal?"

Purrl purred, "Okay, but you need to but on some pants first."

I looked down at my scrawny legs and abless chest to see that I was standing in my tighty-whities and fluffy pink slippers. I felt myself turned as red as a robin's chest then had an idea, "Yes, well, this is the fashion here in Crapsville. We should meet like this at the beach in ten minutes. You wear you underwear, I'll wear mine."

Purrl purred, a glint of amusement in her eyes, "I think I'll be unfashionable and just wear this. Why don't you do the same?"

"Fine, fine. You'll notice that the other animals in Crapsville will soon be wearing their clothes again. Besides," I said, sounding as if I was a King, "Anything I do spreads fast in this little town. I will be ready soon."

Purrl smiled, "Okay, now go get ready."

I ran inside and grabbed a bunch of Pitfalls, a shovel, and headed for my door. Then I realized that I hadn't changed yet, so I ran back and put on a purple shirt and blue jeans. I ran outside and Purrl and I headed to the beach. When we got there, I started burying the pitfalls so that no one could sneak up on us.

"What are you doing?" Purrl asked me unhappily, "Don't you want to spend some time with me?"

"Yes, but I don't want my boss to sneak up on me," I told her, "I'm not working just so I can be with you."

Purrl started hyperventilating, "But then you'll get poor and our kids will get sick and they will all die! How could you do such a thing!"

I grinned, "Kids? I want some of those with you."

"Come 'ere and give Mama a kiss," Purrl meowed sweetly.

I patted the ground with my shovel and threw my shovel onto the beach. I jogged over to Purrl and kissed her on the lips. They were furry lips, but that's what you got when you lived in a town with animals. We started making out, then I heard a soft thud behind me. I stopped kissing Purrl and looked behind me to see Tom Nook on my side of the Pitfalls. I gasped-how had he gotten over them! Then I realized that it was very easy to jump over them and cursed under my breath.

Foam frothed out of Nook's mouth like an overflowing bubble bath and I stared at him.

"This is my boss," I muttered to Purrl, "He's kind of… forcing me to work for him."

I picked up my shovel and pushed Purrl away. Unfortunately, I pushed a bit too hard so she fell into a pitfall. I stupidly threw aside my splintered shovel to help my upset girlfriend. Tom Nook ran to the shovel on all fours and threw it into the ocean. I screamed like a little girl and started running away. I quickly climbed a tree, forgetting my fear of heights, the fact that I don't know how to climb trees, Purrl, and that raccoons can climb trees. When I got to the top, I looked down the trunk and laughed at poor old Tom Nook. He raised a foam-splattered eyebrow and started scrambling up the tree. I looked down at the ground, which seemed very far away to me, and screamed out in horror.

"I am a lion! Hear me roar!" I screamed.

I couldn't let Nook give me rabies! I had had rabies once, and I did not enjoy getting painful shots in my butt. I squeaked instead of roared and jumped out of the tree. Apparently I wasn't as nimble as- darn it, I forgot Purrl! I ran- or, stumbled- over to Purrl and pulled her out of the hole. She glared at me angrily and stormed off. Apparently my, er, sexy looks were too much for a peasant like her. I was too good for her.

"Come back!" I wailed. I ran after my girl, but Nook jumped on me when I asked him if he had seen her.

"Go to work," he ordered me, foam bubbling, "Or I will give you rabies. If you go to work, I will give your girlfriend rabies. If you don't, I will give you rabies, and I'll throw a stick at you."

"Not the stick!" I screamed, "Okay, okay, I'll work! Just don't throw a stick at me."

Nook scrambled off of me, and as I trudged off so that I could work, he squeezed me butt cheeks and ran away. Now _that _was weird…

xxx

I pulled out my watermelon stationary and sprayed it with my favorite perfume. The perfume was called Watermelon Secret, and smelled like watermelons. I pulled out my favorite pen. It was decorated with my prized possessions, watermelon stickers, and it smelled like (yes, you guessed it) old, dusty books.

I scribbled my message down:

_Dear Purrl,_

_I know that you're very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very sad that you aren't as wonderful and popular as me, but get over yourself. If you continue to be my girlfriend, maybe just a little of my popularity will rub off on you, and you'll at least be a little bit happier._

_I know that I couldn't rescue you soon enough, but my idiot boss was chasing me. Even such a muscular man like me could get scared. I hope you understand, because you're the first girlfriend I have ever had. No girls have ever gone out with me. I hope that we can lock lips for a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very long time. Even though you're a cat and furry and it feels like I'm kissing a man whenever I kiss you, I would still like to kiss you a million more times._

_So please reply so that your beard-like lips will lock lips with my handsome lips sometime soon. _Very _soon, I hope. So please reply with a kiss on my awesome lips!_

_Ty_

I quickly mailed my letter to Purrl and awaited her reply all day. Then a green elephant walked up to me.

"Who are you?" I asked her.

"I've been living here before you even came to Crapsville. You're telling me you're never heard of mwah?" she exclaimed in shock.

"Yup," I replied.

"Humph! I'm Opal!" she exclaimed, batting her eyes smeared with blue eye shadow, "I'm the prettiest, sexiest, and most popular girl in the world!"

"You sure fooled me!"

"What! Why you- you- you're stupid!"

"That's not a very good comeback."

"Why you little-"

"Little what? Tell me, Ahpaaal."

"My name is Opal, you idiot! I shall go home and PLOT MY REVENGE!"

"Whatever," I said. I turned around and opened my door. Something small hit me on the back of my neck and everything was black.


	4. Running Around Town Stark Naked Is Fun

Chapter Four

"Wheeeeee!" I screamed, running through the town stark naked.

The wind whooshed all over my body. My birthday shirt was awesome! Why hadn't I ever tried this before? I mean, running around the house naked age 3-19 was fun, but the wind didn't wash over you like this! The feeling was fantastic! All natural is the best ever! I wished I was an Indian! Even though they wear those things over them, not all Indians did! Yes! I would be an excellent Indian! It would be the best. Then something poked my back. I didn't look back, I just kept running, my flabby arms sticking up in the air. The poke came again! And again, and again, and again! I finally turned around to see-

I blinked my eyes open and spat the gravel out of my mouth. Apparently I wasn't doing a great job at keeping my house clean. I looked back to my back. Tom Nook was poking me with a sharp, pointy stick. I watched the blood ooze out of my back as the pointy stick got jabbed into my weak, spiny back. Tom Nook stopped and bared his teeth at me angrily.

"Get… to… work…" he ordered.

"Keep poking me!" I wailed, "The blood is cool!"

Tom's head grew and grew until it was as big as an angry anime character's head and he screamed, "Get to work! NOW!"

"Fine!" I snapped, "I'll work at your dumb shop, you old raccoon! You have black hairs on your tail! That's close to grey, gramps!"

Tom Nook's head started to shrink and I ran away before his mouth was low enough to bite me and I ran away. I got to Nook's Cranny and I bent over, gasping for breath. Tom Nook ran over, his super speed making the grass go:

_Shake, Shake, Tom makes us dance! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! We're dancing grass! We don't get to dance unless Tom lets us! Tom's so nice! Yeah, yeah! We're dancing! Oh yeah, yeah, shake that laffy taffy! Yeah! Shake that grassy laffy taffy! Shake it, shake it! Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Tom, you rule! Go, Tom, go! Go, go, go! Yeah, Tom! Yeah! The other grass doesn't get to dance! Yeah! Look a freaking flower gets to dance as well! Go, flower! Shake those leaves! Yeah, yeah! Go, Tom, go! Use your super speed again, Tom! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Dance, baby, dance! Go Herald, go Herald! Go flower, go! Go flower, go! Yeah, yeah! Noooo! The dancing is stopping! Noooo! We're just wiggling a bit. No! Tom, help! We're not dancing anymore! We're still! Yay, wind! Dance, dance! Dance!_

"Hello, gramps!" I exclaimed, "What work do you want the young, sexy person to do today?"

Tom threw some stationary at my head and I fell over, "Go deliver this to Purrl! She wants to write mean stuff to someone! I HOPE IT'S YOU!"

I ran to Purrl's house and knocked on her door. Her door creaked open quickly and Purrl grabbed her stationary and poked my eyes.

I rubbed my eyes, "What was that for, furry lips? I said to kiss me, not poke my eyes."

"I HATE YOU!" she screamed.

"So who's the hate mail going to be for?" I asked her.

"YOU, YOU STUPID FAG-BAG!"

I looked around, "Who, I only see me."

"I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU, TY! YOU'RE SO DUMB, YOU FREAKIN' FREAK! GO TAKE A HIKE!"

I grinned, "That's a great idea! I've never hiked, wanna come with me?"

"NO!"

"Okay, see you later."

_**Short chapter, I know**_


End file.
